Internet Series “Ruth and Erica” Focuses on Family Dynamics and Alzheimer’s

Internet Series “Ruth and Erica” Focuses on Family Dynamics and Alzheimer’s

“Ruth & Erica” launched this week on the YouTube Internet channel WIGS, which, according to the press release, is now the most popular channel for scripted drama on YouTube. The show portrays the dynamics of a family facing the challenges that often accompany aging and ill health. read more..

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The “Hidden” Costs When We Quit our Jobs to Care for Our Loved Ones

I don’t need a study to tell me that leaving the workforce to become a family caregiver has cost me, financially. All I have to do is look my puny projected Social Security. Over two decades of my adult “productive” years have been spent caring for elders and children while not working at paid employment. read more..

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Caregivers Coping with Criticism from the from the Care Receiver

Each care situation was different. I started with an aged neighbor, then moved on to a childless aunt and uncle, my in-laws and eventually my parents. All of them appreciated me. However they each had moments when, because of their own misery, they’d lash out at me in some way. read more..

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Hospice Care

Palliative and Hospice Care at the End of Life

...For weeks, each time I walked into Dad's room in the nursing home, he'd be rigid in bed, up on one elbow and slamming his fist against his hand. Pow! Pow! Pow! Over and over, he pounded fist against hand. I'd try to get him to relax; to lie back. He couldn't comprehend. Pow! Pow! Pow! He was trying to knock out the pain. read more..

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Pecking Order-Caregiving-Decisions-Siblings

Only Children Vs. Sharing Decisions With Siblings – Which is Easier?

In the world of caregiving, sibling issues abound. Any problems that were around when you were growing up will likely turn up again, as your parents age. The pecking order rarely changes. The "girl" work and the "boy" work rarely changes. There are exceptions, of course. read more..

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Caregiver

Caregiving: What Would You Do Differently if You Were to Start Over?

As a seasoned caregiver of multiple elders, I can choose to torture myself with my perceived failures at being a perfect caregiver, or I can choose to forgive myself for being imperfect, and recognize that I did the best I could at the time. You have the same choice. read more..

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Don't feel guilty if you want a second opinion

Don't feel guilty if you want a second opinion

...Whatever the case, we do have the right to question a doctor's advice or diagnosis, ask for an explanation, and if we aren't satisfied, look for a second opinion. But the issue becomes more complicated when we question a life-long family doctor that our elders trust. read more..

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Dementia-Elder

When Your Loved One Says 'I Want to Go Home'

"I want to go home." Nearly any person caring for an elder with dementia has heard this heartbreaking plea, even if the elder is home. It's fairly well accepted by dementia experts that the "home" most elders want to return to is their childhood home, because in later stages of Alzheimer's that is where, in their minds, "home" is. read more..

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Medication Reactions-Friends And Family-Dementia Symptoms

When the caregiver develops dementia

If you find yourself exhibiting disturbing symptoms that you notice yourself, or friends and family gently bring up to you, don't immediately decide that you, too, have dementia. Other issues that can make you feel as though you are having dementia symptoms are medication reactions or interactions, infections and lack of sleep. read more..

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Tea Shop-Mother

Looking for Meaning Behind the Words

She told us that she used to want to run her head into a brick wall when her mother started repeating the same story over and over.
By Tom and Karen Brenner
Alzheimer's Reading Room
c. 1785There is wonderful little tea shop that opened near us, and I have been visiting it with friends regularly.
A month or so ago, I met an old acquaintance there; she wanted to learn more about the work that Tom and I do using the Montessori Method to help people living with Alzheimer’s.
Her mother was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and she wanted to get some tips on how to better help her mom.
As I was paying the owner of the tea shop that day, she looked up at me with tears in her eyes and told me that she had overheard some of our conversation about Alzheimer’s. Her mother, too, was living with Alzheimer’s and the entire family was in great distress and feeling at a loss about how to help her mom. We talked for a few minutes, and I was only able to say a few things to the tea shop owner. I emphasized to her that she should be in the moment with her mom, and learn to go with her mom’s thought processes as they were at that moment.
I also encouraged her to look for the meaning behind the words that her mother might say, especially when her mother repeated the same thought or the same story over and over. I told her that sometimes people living with Alzheimer’s say the same things over and over because they can’t find the words they want to express themselves, but they need very much to share some emotion, or some memory. I told the tea shop owner to listen carefully to what her mom said and validate the emotions or the feelings behind the words.
A couple of weeks later, Tom and I found ourselves with a few minutes to spare before an appointment, so I suggested that we have tea in the new tea shop. Tom had never been there before, and I thought he would like it.
The tea shop owner came over to talk to us about her mother and she then told us that the simple ideas that I had shared with her on my earlier visit had changed her life!
She told us that she used to want to run her head into a brick wall when her mother started repeating the same story over and over, but now she listens carefully, trying to find the meaning behind the repetitive words. She told us that recently her mother was repeating a story about her childhood. The tea shop owner told her mom that she understood that her mother must have had a wonderful childhood, and that she must have been very happy then. The owner told us that her mother got a huge smile on her face, and was so pleased that her daughter understood her.
It is a wonderful thing to go into a tea shop to enjoy a cup of tea and a scone and to come out of the shop knowing that you have changed someone’s life for the better.
By the way, the tea and scones are wonderful, and the owner is thinking of holding teas for caregivers as a way to help other people who are caring for loved ones with Alzheimer’s.
Tom and Karen Brenner are Montessori Gerontologists, researchers, consultants, trainers and writers dedicated to working for culture change in the field of aging. Tom is a gerontologist and has specialized in creating and researching dementia specific training programs. Karen Brenner is a Montessori educator and has specialized in working with children who are deaf or communication disordered. They have been published in magazines and journals both in the US and internationally. Learn more about Tom and Karen at Brenner Pathways.
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Carolyn Brent-Family

Author Carolyn Brent on Aging Parents, Caregiving Issues, Family Relationships

Today I have the great pleasure of being the host on Day 5 of the Virtual Blog Tour of author Carolyn A. Brent whose book Why Wait? The Baby Boomers’ Guide to Preparing Emotionally, Financially and Legally for a Parent’s … Continue reading ? read more..

The Latest Headlines-Grandparents-Bone Density-Alzheimer

Coping with criticism from your loved one

Caregivers frequently turn their lives inside out in order to care for their loved ones in decline. I know, because I've done it. The number of elders who depended on my help increased throughout the years, to a total of seven, though the most I cared for at one time was five. I also had two children and work part time writing as a freelancer. read more..

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Reminiscing powerful “drug” for people with dementia

I love stories. When I was a teenager, I’d encourage grandparents to relate stories of their young years struggling to survive on the wind-swept prairie. When I grew older, I was fascinated by the stories my parents and in-laws told of their early years of growing up during the Great Depression. read more..

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Headlines in Alzheimer’s: The Downside of Hospital Stays; Proteins Linked to Alzheimer’s; Loss of Bone Density Linked to Alzheimer’s

Every week we scour the news for the latest headlines in Alzheimer’s stories, care, treatment and prevention. Here are this week’s biggest stories for the week of June 18, 2012-... read more..

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Guilt

Drop the caregiver guilt and find some peace

Guilt has a purpose in life. If we are mean, we should feel guilty. If we owe someone an apology, we should be big enough to do so. But guilt is a complicated emotion. We take on the expectations of our culture, our religion, our family. And then we take on the expectations of our toughest critic – ourselves read more..

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Helping an elder parent let go of an unsafe cluttered home

Helping an elder parent let go of an unsafe cluttered home

Many elders do well in their homes. They graciously accept the help they need, have cleaning people come in, and are even able to throw away the old newspapers that are piling up in the corner. They are content with adding some safety measures and feel cozy with a bit of clutter. read more..

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Parent Care Elder Care-Television Talk Show-Phone Interview-Travis Stork-Adult Child

Dr. Travis Stork interviewed about obesity and fitness

Dear Readers: Do you or a loved one use age as an excuse to not bother with taking off weight? In a recent phone interview with Dr. Travis Stork of the television talk show “The Doctors,” I asked how we can encourage our aging loved ones to lose weight and exercise when they say it’s too late to do much good. read more..

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When siblings disagree on parent care

Elder care has a way of sneaking up on people. Generally, if there is an adult child living in the same town as the aging parents, it is this child who becomes, at the first sign of need, the default caregiver. That usually makes sense. You live in town. Your folks need some help with their Medicare forms, so you stop over. read more..

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Communicating with people who can't speak

Communicating with people who can't speak

Many of us are coping with elders who can no longer communicate. Whether from a stroke, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's or for some other reason, they have lost their ability to talk or seemingly respond in any manner to their loved one's efforts to communicate. read more..

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Sweet Intentions-Cohabitate

Are you having second thoughts about having your aging parent live with you?

Many people are facing the fact that their sweet intentions have taken a sour turn. Certainly, for some, the decision to cohabitate with their elders works out fine. Two or even three generations residing in the same home can work. It can work when there is plenty of space so that everyone has some degree of privacy. read more..

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Alzheimer

No Is Just the Easiest Word to Say

Dear Pdy, my mother told me to get out, and told...
The Alzheimer's Reading Room is the number one source of life news for the entire Alzheimer's community. Our goal is to Educate, sometimes Entertain, and Empower Alzheimers caregivers and their families worldwide. read more..

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Using the Montessori Approach to Support the Elderly

In this illuminating workshop, learn how the...
The Alzheimer's Reading Room is the number one source of life news for the entire Alzheimer's community. Our goal is to Educate, sometimes Entertain, and Empower Alzheimers caregivers and their families worldwide. read more..

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Alzheimer's Translation Services

Are you an Alzheimer’s translator? Do you have...
The Alzheimer's Reading Room is the number one source of life news for the entire Alzheimer's community. Our goal is to Educate, sometimes Entertain, and Empower Alzheimers caregivers and their families worldwide. read more..

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Depression-Retirement

Keeping a retired elder active after retirement or change can help avoid depression

He helps out too much. Ann's dad had owned his own business and had employees. He was very successful. Ann's mom used to complain that after he retired, he wanted to run the house, but it didn't seem too serious. Then, when Ann's mom got sick, her dad's energy went into caregiving. He was a wonderful caregiver all the way through. read more..

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Chicken Soup For The Soul-Family Caregivers

My story in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Family Caregivers

I just found out that one of my stories will be published in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Family Caregivers: 101 Stories of Love, Sacrifice and Bonding, and I’m pretty excited about it! The book will be released in March and … Continue reading ? read more..

Adult Children

Setting boundaries in parent/adult child relationships

It's natural for adult children to love their parents and even want to care for them as they age. But, if your parents abused you when you were a child, how do you care for them without harming yourself by being subjected to ongoing criticism and abuse? read more..

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Alzheimer's Disease-Banyan Trees

You Can't See the Forrest for the Trees

You and I travel to the beat of a different drum Oh can't you tell by the way I run Every time you make eyes at me Wo-oh
You cry and moan and say it will work out But honey child I've got my doubts You can't see the forest for the trees
By Bob DeMarco
Alzheimer's Reading Room
Banyan TreeEvery time we drive through Sherwood Forrest Dotty marvels at the size and shape of the Banyan trees. The Banyan trees are about 60 feet tall. Maybe taller.
I would estimate that Dotty has seen the same exact trees over 7,000 times. But now, each time its for the first time.
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Five years ago it would be unsettling to me when Dotty would start talking about those trees. She would marvel, look at those trees. Look how big they are. I can't believe it. I have never seen so many trees.
What did I do? I would remind Dotty that she had seen those trees thousands of times. It was somehow important for me to remind her. Of course, this would sometimes cause Dotty to become confused. It might even cause her to tell me that I was full of poop. Her words were not kind.
Eventually, I made my way into Alzheimer's World. After I made it into the World I started looking at things from Dotty's point of view. Why should I be upset if she asked me what day it was ten times? If she needed to know what day it was, she needed to know. After all, don't we all need to know what day it is? How would you know where to be, or where to go, or what to do if you never knew what day it was?
Once I made it to Alzheimer's World, I started to look at the world from Dotty's point of view. I tried to think and feel like she was thinking and feeling. I often asked myself, why? Why is she acting this way? Why is she feeling this way? I also stopped making it all about me. Instead, I made it about Dotty, and about us. I stopped complaining and saying, can you believe she does this, and she does that. I replaced words like she, me, and you, with words like we and us.
Once into Alzheimer's World, I started listening to Dotty. The sound of her voice. What was I hearing? Confusion? Anger? Happiness? Joy? I listened.
Today when Dotty starts marveling at the size or the number of trees, I'll be listening to her voice. I'll hear how amazed she is. How happy she sounds. I'll listen to her words. I'll feel happy. I'll also notice that those banyan trees are big and beautiful. Amazing looking in fact. Each and every time if you pay attention.
Way back when, when Dotty would act like she never saw those trees before in her life I would get sad. I would need to remind her she had seen them thousands of times. I was burdened.
Now, I listen to Dotty's sweet voice. Hear how really amazed she is feeling. It makes me feel happy. We get along better these days.
I finally learned to look at the trees.
More Insight and Advice from the Alzheimer's Reading Room

• How Alzheimer's Spreads Throughout the Brain
• Test Your Memory for Alzheimer's (5 Best Self Assessment Tests)
• What is Alzheimer's Disease?
• What is Dementia?
• What’s the Difference Between Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia
• Communicating in  Alzheimer's World
• How the Loss of Memory Works in Alzheimer’s Disease, and How Understanding This Could Help You
• Learning How to Communicate with Someone Suffering From Alzheimer's Disease
• Alzheimer's World -- Trying to Reconnect with Someone Suffering from Alzheimer's Disease
• Does the Combination of Aricept and Namenda Help Slow the Rate of Decline in Alzheimer's Patients
• Driving with Alzheimer's Can Mean Death
• About the Alzheimer's Reading Room

Bob DeMarco is the Founder of the Alzheimer's Reading Room and an Alzheimer's caregiver. The blog contains more than 3,461 articles with more than 397,100 read more..

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